lolindid

 So, I've been playing this game called Evoke. The idea is to take people's gaming skills and turning them towards real life crisis and 'quests'. The ultimate challenge is to become a social innovator. It was developed by the World Bank and will award money and travel scholarships to several participants at the end of this live game in May. I haven't been particularly dedicated to the game thus far. I am, I beleive....4 weeks behind. Thats always been me, I guess. Procrastinate. Anyways...thats not the subject of this post

My background: some of you know I became vegetarian a year and a half ago. Last August, after I moved back to Ohio, I couldn't afford it. Now I am working and can...but just haven't got started again. My main reason for being vegetarian is my own health, although reading a few webpages about factory farming did leave its mark.

This week's issue in Evoke is about people starving in Africa. You know who I mean...those chaps our folks told us about when we wouldn't eat our peas. Well it turns out, they really are starving and thats not the worst of it. Another myth we keep hearing about is global warming, but we don't like to think about it, at least not until they develop a really nice electric car. Face it....I am globally sensitive, but I cant imagine a life without my car! 

Turns out, car emmissions are not the number one cause of greenhouse gas emissions. This may be even worse than giving up our cars too...get ready. 

Livestock.



http://www.fao.org/newsroom/en/news/2006/1000448/index.html

 The cosmos has been tinkering in my head for some time now. I don't know why. All I can do is go along for the ride, or be sick to my stomache. Thats pretty much my choices. So a few days ago, when I woke up, jumped out of bed and wrote my last post, there was really little choice in the matter. It took me two days to get it into livejournal and I still haven't shared it with anyone. Yeah I even had a network of friends who script and do art for computer games, both professional and hobbists. So why don't I seek thier advice? Well...its frightening. What if its a silly idea? what if its impossible? And more importantly...what if I am not strong enough to follow through? 

If I cover my eyes, no one can see me. If no one knows about it...its not real. And I am not responsible for it. 

You see I am coming up on a 50 year history of not ever finishing anything. Even my kids aren't done yet. Maybe if I turn up the heat a bit...

The next two days I spent killing kobolds in Stormreach, doing Stygian Abyss runs and stocking my Malas vendor. My little halfling wizard is SO cool. And quite an attitude too. You give me that grumpy dwarf gruff and you may end up with a wand up your nose! I solved Durk's Secret. I got the Miller to pay his debt. I found Garrison's Pack. I even went back and conquered Misery's Peak on Elite!

So why can't I share this project idea with my friends?

I woke up this morning, lay in bed playing with my cats and I realized I forgot one very important step. I forgot to create my character! Yeah you think this is a silly idea, wait til you read my project proposal! So yes...the person here that is Becca cannot even touch Misery's Peak on solo, much less elite. She is too afraid of spiders. In order to accomplish that feat, she had to become someone else.

I am not advocating trying to be someone or something that you aren't. We can do this in games and role play and it can be very theraputic. But trying to be something we are not in the real world can be nothing but disasterous. What you are...is inside you for a reason. Find out what that reason is. Evaluate the areas of our personality that are lacking and are needed for the desired results and find ourselves a hero or two to emulate. At the same time, these heroes, and eventually your character must embody your strengths and be able to make good use of your strengths when needed. 

In my case, I am not naturally outgoing or confident in my own abilities. I have some health issues, am approaching 50, and starting life all over again after divorce. I tend to play second fiddle to someone else's dream and I am always looking for someone...else...to beleive in. On the other hand I have a creative eye, can get along with most anyone, have a high level of sensitivity and empathy, and a strong desire to Save the World. (Its just too big and too complicated.) I have access to programs that create games. My tendancy to obsess on projects is both good and bad. When in Obsess Mode, things are coming out right and things are getting done...with that project. The rest of the world has a very good chance of not existing during that time period.

I also tend to obsess on music, TV shows, movies, books and the like. So at any given time, I will be able to tell you who my all time favorite character is. It just may change from month to month or year to year. I just recently came off a 5 month obsession of Sonata Arctica. Next is looking to be Edguy, once I can afford to pick some up. Pandora has annoyingly shut me down for the remainder of the month, so I am at a stand still. 

With that in mind, it is easy for me to tell you that right now my all time favorite character is Urahara Kisuke. Urahara is an ex-shimagami from the anime Bleach that was banished from the Soul Society for a crime he did not commit. On the outside, he is laid back and easy-going, but is also cunning and obsessive about the work he does. It is often his role to see a problem, come up with an outlandish plan to solve it, and send the main characters out to do it. He is also involved in preparing the main characters for thier trials to come. He is quirky, secretive and perhaps a bit perverted. But in the end, he is willing to make the hard choices when the situation is dire. As I type this, I realize many of these traits are needed for the project in my head...and some of the traits I can imagine budding inside me. So I am thinking this was a good choice.

Now...Urahara in his canon form would not work because he comes from a mythos that is different than my personal belief structure. Ideologies concerning afterlife and honor are both very defining elements of a person.So we need to do some C&P work here. We can allow him to be the Japanese version of Doctor Frankinstien, but he cannot be a Death God. In the series of stories I am writing there is an entity called an Angeline. This creature is of angelic lineage that is born into the world. They live normal human lives....except for the intermitten time periods...that they don't. We shall say that Urahara is an angeline.

The next step in character creation is gear. The only magical gear Urahara has that I know if is his sword, Benihime, which is hidden in his cane. This relic is very much tied into Bleach mythos, but we will let him keep it for now for later editing. Ultima Online recently released an expansion that introduced a new crafting skill called imbuing. Now instead of needing to complete quests for special items, or racking up faction points, we can construct our own gear and choose what pluses to give it. This is what I will do now. I really like how they designed the robes in DDO. I don't want to put Urahara in a robe, but perhaps a nice high collared mantle would look cool....

Lets look at another hero for a moment, a real live woman by the name of Jane McGonigal. She was the final and last straw of inspiration for this project. She is charismatic and an inspirational speaker. She is thin and has perfect hair. She has the cute little mannerism of curling her knuckle on her chin as she speaks. She has successfully headed up two large scale live games to teach people how to use thier gaming skills in real life situations, with a third live right now as I type. She gets things done. She welcomes contact.  And she isn't afraid of what people think.

So, what can I draw from this. What pluses can I put on my mantle that will protect me when I put myself in the line of fire? +5 AC? Resistance to donuts? Bad hair days? Let me pull out my dice and roll for cuteness.... 

I gave this a lot of thought and I believe the crux of what she has that I do not, is a lack of fear. She does not fear criticism. She does not fear ridicule....lack of acceptance...any of that. What I will construct for my version of Urahara is a +5 Mantle of Courage. It will embody symbols of strength and general faith and be jeweled in stone beads that cleanse negative energies. I chose to make it plus five to represent the five elements, fire, water, air, earth and spirit.

If I......were kiiiiing...of the fore-e-e-e-st.....

Speaking of symbols, one that I have gravitated to for years is the simple spiral. When I used to do SCA reinactments I would have spirals painted in henna on my palms to remind me that the works of my hands spiral out and have an radiate exponentially on all the world and cosmos. So Urahara's gloves will have spirals on them and we will call them Gloves of +3  Domino Effect. I chose plus three to represent to law of three. The law of three states that everything you do in life will come back to you threefold.

Not queen. Not duke. Not prince.

By now, those of you that are familiar with Bleach are ready to ask me about the iconic striped bucket hat. Surely that will be part of Urahara's gear, right? Wrong. You see I have a secret to tell you. I believe in my darkest of dreams....that Urahara is a Vizard. I just lost everyone who is not a Bleach fan, but those of you that are....well you know. So in honor of this beleif I present to you....the Cap of Cunning! This helmet has +3 intellect and +4 mischieviousness for a power total of +7. I chose seven because biblically it is the number of spiritual perfection. We are angeline, after all. Why not make this a holy quest?

This Urahara bears little resemblance to Bleach so since we don't want to royally confuse millions of googling Bleach fans with my character studies, we will simply call him Kisuke, or Suki. It helps if you are an artist or if you know an artist who can sketch out your ideas for you. Somehow seeing a representation of your character really helps and thats why I beleive that MMOs will never completely go first person. We need to be able to turn that camera around and see ourselves. Yup..thats me. I am so cool. I am cunning. And this snazzy Mantle will save me from anything...from Mothra to thrown tomatoes. My silly-ass grin will not break, for you do not have the power to hurt me. I do not give you that power.

Next I want to introduce you to a term you may or may not be familiar with, depending on your level of geekness. See, usually I rate 'dork' on the geek scale, and would not be familiar with this practice. But my youngest changed that. The term for the day is: cosplay. According to wiki, cosplay is a type of performance art in which participants don costumes and accessories to represent a specific character or idea. Cosplayers often interact to create a subculture centered around role play. Maybe.....thats a little too geeky for you. But I urge you with all my heart.....at least do it in private. Don the accessories you have created for your character. See how the energy of the mantle settles down over your form and empowers you. Make it a halloween project, if you must. Or look up an appropriate cosplay event. No one needs to know this is your secret inner character. Just do it. Look at yourself in the mirror and imagine the power to better accomplish your goals. Imagine how this character would do it. Let that infuse with your own plan. 

Now watch yourself take that first step.

'Save the cheerleader, save the world.' I challenge you to say to me, that this does not still send shivers down your spine.

I am a mother of three. Allow me to introduce them to you. Shawna is 22 and getting ready to graduate from Michigan Tech. It has always been easy to compare and contrast her and I, for we are very alike in the bare bones of our soul. We are both very empathic, spiritually sensitive, quiet and pour lots of money into the SSRI industry. However, she learned many life lessons in high school and college that I didn't until much later in life.
During the year before my divorce, I lived with her and her family and was around to watch some important decisions she had to make. She spent her life watching me struggle with fibromyalgia before a drug was found that made me functional. She self medicates herself with herbals out of fear of going through the same thing. So when faced with the choice of going into pharmacutical research, this was where her mindset drew from. I propose that she wants to save the world, but doesn't know how. Its too big and too complicated. So she may choose to do it within an environment that that she can have some influence in: the pharmacutical industry.

My second child is Frank. In every way that Shawna and I are alike, Frank and I are different. He is charismatic, loud and drains me of energy just by being in the same house. He has severe ADHD, his morals and beleif system is very black and white, in direct contrast to his tendancy to be beligerant and always in minor trouble. Very young he tested at the genious level and yet never passed one grade of jumior high or high school. He is the foul mouthed boaster in every muti-player game you have played, except that he is everything he says he is.

I just talked to Frank on the phone a couple days ago. He is stationed at Ft Sill army base and is very excited about the possibility of being deployed early summer. I propose that he wants to save the world, but doesn't know how. Its too big and too complicated. So he wants to do it within an enviroment that he can have some influence in: protecting America's interests in Afganistan.

My third child is Kevin. He is a junior at Greenon High School, Springfield Ohio. He is in band and drumline, looks forward to prom and has a cute little girl friend named Cassie.
He has yet to face the dilemna that his siblings have.

When I was in highschool and college I was a non-practicing christian who lived with the belief that I would see nuclear holicost. I never was able to focus and finish a major, had not discovered SSRIs, and I wonder now how much that had to do with it.

Let me reiterate. I beleived I would see the end of the world. My children want to save it. Why? What has changed? Or I should ask, what of all the earth shattering recent changes has been the element that has changed a child's despair into hope?

One word: Video Games.

OK, thats two words. And you probably haven't noticed that because this is such an outlandish idea. I thought so too, when I first heard it. Recently I was linked to a talk done by Jane McGonigal which made me a believer. She has been designing online games for ten years geared towards tapping into the skills kids have learned from their hours and hours of video game play. More on that later.

These days I sit on the sidelines and watch Kevin go to school, compete with his band...every day a step closer to that moment he will make that decision. Will he choose his life career and goals based on his own interests alone? Like Shawna, will family issues play a part? Will he be too daunted to allow himself to even think about saving the world? Does he even want to? I have never asked.

One of my extended family sons is named Shaun. He graduated a couple years ago. I think he is working in a hospital in dietary. College was not an option for him. Another extended family son graduates with Kevin next year. His name is Tony. College will not be an option for him as well. At least, not an easy option. The three of them have been known to play a bit of table top D&D in addition to the usual video games.

Do they want to save the world? Do they beleive its possible? Or is it too big and complicated?

I will allow you to google Jane McGonigal at your leisure so you can see what she has done and her current game that is now live called Evoke. In the meantime, here is my proposal. Let us pretend a few things. Just for fun. Let us pretend that we live in Enon Ohio, just like Kevin, Shaun and Tony. Let us pretend that we go to Greenon High School. Let us pretend that we woke up one morning with the undeniable KNOWLEDGE...that it would be up to our generation....to Save the World. How does this change us? How does this force us use every innate skill to acheive a goal?

The game I propose is to create a virtual Enon Ohio, and through some very graphically cool catastrophic event, transport a section of it to the middle of a vast ocean. The object would be to simply survive. I propose to give Kevin's graduating class the means to rersearch and create this game. The next 5 senior classes will play this game. Completion of this game will allow these kids to take skills they have learned in video games and direct them to real world issues on a small and managable scale. Completion could also unlock some fun stuff like an attack by Mothra....or underground caverns of kobolds. But the idea is to open thier minds to possibilities. Play other games that solve real world problems and instill the belief that they can make a difference. I have to wonder where these kids would go from there. Even if they do not personally seek careers to save world, just the belief that the world can be saved...that it is WORTH saving....can change the face of this planet.

Everyone throw up thier arms....'Yatta!'

Jane McGonigal's website

 Deviant is being stupid so will post this here for now.

The terrain editor for Unity seems amazingly easy so far. I am hoping there is a more complex way of creating or I will end up using Grome and importing....which is all compatible, so no problem. However I am not going to worry about that until I am familiar with the entire process in Unity. I will be a legal Grome liscence user starting tomorrow, so I am pretty pleased with that.

At my stopping point for the day, I am aware that the ambient sound is not working. Also, I was unable to find the point of directional lighting while I was in play mode, so was unable to move it as the instructions wanted me to. My grass is WAY too bright green but I know how to fix that. Its just that I can't see the grass in edit mode, no matter how close I get to it. I am guessing there is a setting somewhere to adjust the point to which certain features disappear to aid smoothness of play.

In texturing the island, there are many ways of doing that in Grome to increase realism that are not a part of these instructions in Unity. So either its not that complex, or they are purposely starting simple. I am making myself not think about those details and continue on to understand Unity as a game engine, rather than hyperfocusing on the terrain editing features.

so...I have my island. I have trees and grass. Florescent grass...but grass none the less. I have sky and water. Progress. I need to figure out couple of issues I am having, then I can go on to importing objects.

and as usual...I have pictures!!! They suck compared to my Grome work, but keep in mind I am learning a new program...one that will take me past terrain building to actually building a game.

The best medicine for high blood pressure turns out to be....daughters.

Here is my research:

Friday Feb 5, I find out the VA disapproved my meds.
Monday 6am, work at The Limited in Fairfield Commons.
7pm, 149/102
Wednesday Feb 10 9am, 143/100
Thursday Feb 11 7pm, work at Petsmart, fight dizzy spells
Friday Feb 12 6am, no sleep yet, 162/105
9am, 178/104, call off work
11:30 at the VA clinic, 143/94
12:20 at home, 144/104
Saturday Feb 13, 9am, 142/95
10am Shawna is here getting ready for her interview with Cincy Pharm School....122/79!!!!! I check it three more times to make sure and then check hers to see if its normal too. It is.
9pm after dropping Shawna back off at the house, 148/95
Sunday Feb 14 9am, 162/104

Now...even the psychicly blind has to admit there is a connection between me and Shawna...but this is rediculous.

For whatever reasons, I didn't learn of it until today, the day of the farewell party. I suppose December 21st, when it was announced, I was knee deep in other worries. VA appointments....JOb and Family Services classes. And then the migraine since my birthday. At this point, there is nothing to do about but take a few screencaps and say good bye. Perhaps that is why it was shielded from me...so that I wouldn't try to do something about it.

What this means to me? Well, a major creative outlet is gone. This was an opportunity to work with scriptors and other artists to make actual games. It was a long term hope to eventually make some money with it. But really, the biggest thing this had was a wonderful community. I will miss these people...these beautiful people.

In the event that the Baby Jesus Game manages to spontaneously commence due to no one's direct actions, I need everyone to know that my current nativity is the one I made for my mom when I was a kid, and she displayed every year of her life since then. So, if Baby Jesus were to disappear, I would need him to reappear again and in one peice. The caldron or the angel box under the tree would be appropriate places for His miraculous Transfiguration.

Cause it had to come along today to reinforce my dreams.



We sail the sea (Yeah!)
We fight the storm (Yeah!)
One hundred men caught by endless passion


This post could also be called: What do angels do when they are bored of tormenting the cats? Possess Pandora.